Question of Self

Who am I? Where am I going? What am I becoming? Do I want to continue my path, or work my way into a new skin? The questions rock back and forth like a pendelum in my mind and bring the angering confusion forth, twisting my heart and soul until I can only, metephorically, weep. The issue is bringing up numerous confusions in my relationship and lapsing into arguments that go on for a series of days, maybe weeks, and an uneasy feeling that it's always though beneath the glamorous exterior of my significant other.

Only nights ago was I in tears after expressing an option to the one I loved, after informing her that I was about to go through changes and find out who I really was. I assured her that she may be hurt and she may be happy and that if she didn't want to follow me down this path, then she could leave. Deep down I felt like adding on, "If you don't choose to follow me now, the relationship ends with no hope of resurrection." My cruelty subsided, though, when she said she was scared but wanted to venture out at whatever cost it was to make me happy.

Yet I can't help but be mean to her the next moment I speak with her. I have such a hatred built up inside of me that I don't quite understand, one that Jekyll had within him before sipping on the concotion that first made him Hyde. A headspin of emotion constantly flows through my mind everytime I speak with her and most of the time it ends in argument. The question remains is she good enough for me, or I for her? The rumor mill's been turning and debunking its produce doesn't seem to aid in the situation.

Confusion and anger, sadness and hope, they all go hand in hand and the reoccur far too much these days. Needless to say, my love life isn't the only thing that's under attack.


I'll perhaps return on a brighter day,
~Jack